I am at the end of my rope. Besides from sitting and crying I don't know what else to do. I have a 2 year old little boy who I don't really like being around. It's so frustrating for me. I want to be a happy mom who loves being with her kids, but most days it's really difficult. So I'm asking for advice. Here is an example of a common situation that is really difficult for me to deal with: This morning I went to the gym and left the boys in the play club at the gym while I worked out. It was great. They went right in and started playing immediately. After I was done I went to get them and found them content and happily playing. I picked up Tom, and he was happy to see me. I went to get Ben and he started a major melt down, screaming, kicking, and falling to the floor. What was I supposed to do???? I'm holding a 1 year old, who can't walk yet, how do I stop my 2 year from publicly making a scene and making me sooooo angry I just want to spank the heck out of him. Lately this kind of behavior is not uncommon. Whenever Tom picks up any toy Ben immediately walks up to Tom and takes the toy away and says to Tom "no it's mines, it's Ben's turn." Then when I ask Ben to give it back he yells at me "no I'm mad". I feel like yelling back, "YOU'RE MAD????? You don't even know what mad is." He's also started hitting and pushing Tom. It's like a power struggle all day long. If he's not tormenting his brother then he's whinning and yelling at me. The good times have become less frequent. (Don't get me wrong, I love this little boy and he is good some of the time. But when he's frustrating he's really frustrating.)
Please help me. I just want to know how to have a happy, loving, peaceful home. If you have any experience, or know of any good books let me know.
13 comments:
While I don't have any advice regarding Ben's behavior issues (other than locking him in his bedroom until he turns 3), I do have an idea which might help maintain your sanity. Since I don't teach on Fridays, Uncle Chris could visit and take the boys off your hands for a couple of hours. That way you can have some quality down-time.
Having two grandsons who are 10 months apart I can relate to your blog entry. Part of the problem is that you allow Ben the power. Take your power back. How? Don't get riled up, put him in Time outs, reward him for good behavior, take time to be by yourself when you can. If your start now and mean business than it will start a standard for later on. When Sam comes home have him be a little more involved and most importantly.....Remember...this will pass....really!
I really hear you on this one Stacy. You nailed it when you called it a power struggle. I like to try to use advice from "Parenting with Love and Logic" - a book. It basically talks about getting kids to take responsibility for their own behavior while at the same time helping parents realize that a child's frustration shouldn't be a parent's frustration. Check the library for a Love and Logic book - or there's always Amazon if you're into investing. I really recommend it.
Not only could Uncle Chris take the boys, but Aunt Gina can help too. I'm thinking now that it's summer, we need some weekly bonding time. :)
I know this phase will pass. It's all part of the development stage, right?
You're an amazing mom, and you really have good kids. Love you!
I agree with the Love and Logic suggestion, but my initial thought was that you should carry around a can of spray whipped cream in your purse and whenever he starts throwing a temper tantrum, you just pull it out and spray him with it. Either that or a can of silly string. If that doesn't work, Sara said something once that she told Hayden and it makes me laugh and happy. He was being really naughty and she said to him "You made mommy sad and now you're going to cry about it." That was right before a spanking. :)
I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'd like to see the silly string one. Let me know if you try it.
I have been a two year old teacher for about 5 years and I would suggest the book "The happiest toddler on the block" It has some good idea and help to deal with preventing melt downs. You can find it at the library. Hope that helps. I would also just try spending more time with him. Sounds like he wants attention, so give him positive attention and maybe eventually the negative will stop. Plus it helps you feel better about Tom because you are focusing on the good things and not the bad. Sorry this post is so long.
I always do a countdown with Grant before we leave somewhere fun. I will start by saying "Grant we have 5 minutes and we are going bye-bye". Then 3 and 1 then we leave. Make sure he hears you. Get in his face when you say it so there is no question. It really helps him. As far as the hitting thing....it will get better, I promise. Probably just in time for Tom to go through that stage :)
oh, friend. I love you.
Oh, Stacy, I hear you. I have power struggles with Azure all the time and now Claire is turning into a copycat. I'm not really good with the advice part, but I went through that stage crying most of the time and having meltdowns myself. It's one of those "it too shall pass" phases. I have heard the Love and Logic book is good, but I haven't read it. All I can tell you, is I've learned to carry one kid under each arm and march them out to the car if they are both throwing fits, or in my case, Claire doesn't walk. Maybe next time someone can help you carry Tom out while you carry Ben out? I hope things get better for you. I wish I could help. I miss you. Hugs!!
Sister I love you! You're doing a good job with your boys, so don't get down in the dumps! I know we talked about alot of this stuff the other day, but I forgot to tell you one essential thing. Make sure you take time for yourself everyday. When you take time do something you really enjoy so that it is special rejuvenating time. It will help fortify your patience and control. Fill your well sister and repeat to yourself the immortal words of Aretha Franklin "I will survive!"
Tell Ben, "boy, go pick your switch!" Then you'll start cracking up and feel better.
Stacy...you are a wonderful Mom just going through the normal stages of rearing children. One nice trick I loved was having "nights alone" with each child. Pick one night a week (Wed) and put the other children to bed at the normal time and keep up one child for a 30 minute "Alone time with Mom and Dad". (rotate this each week to the next child and so on.... Here is the trick...both parents do something with them alone! a game, draw a picture...make a card....entry in their journal...picture book..bake cookies....make jello...playdough...anything alone at home in their pajamas!!!
This validates them to both of you!! Major relationship investment!! only 30 minutes a week..and you will love it!!
Hey old friend...I was just reading your post. Girl, I am going through the exact same thing with my kids. Many days it is soo frustrating. Madison is 1, Leah, 2 and Noah 5. Having 2 toddlers and a 5 year old who still needs help is overwhelming. I just want to cry sometimes. It was comforting to me, to hear you be honest and see you're go through the same thing. Leah is so challenging, and needs lots of attention. It's funny, because no matter what the answer is, she still has a tantrum. I just put her in her room, for a few minutes and then go talk to her. She is always better after. I have to put myself in a room to calm down before I get really angry. But that's when we are home, it's impossible when we are out in public and this happens. All I can say is to keep being consistent. Leah is 3 next month and I am starting to see good changes in her. Siblings just fight for attention and toys and need to learn to work it out between them. I try to take one child out at a time when Brant is home and make sure to go out yourself at least one night a week for a few hours to rejuvenate...
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